bigfoot joke

 You know how you upset big foot?  Tell him to take off his ape suit.

another classic

The Yellow Brick Road

I’m going to be posting ruff drafts of material I have written. What you see below is a finalized version of a joke that normally kills when I do it at open mics. this is the first post in this blog in a really long time, check out my other stuff on this blog since i plan to incorporate some of it, into my comedy act. So I can make a right turn, Nascar fans on the otherhand are afraid too because they think they will be transported to the yellow brick road and have to deal with the Cowardly Lion. I mean if your favorite term is “Let’s go racing.” And everytime you say it, one of your companions jumps in the bushes and says “If I only had courage.” You wouldn’t make a right turn either. You would go get a gun and put him out of his misery. Then, when your kids ask you. “Daddy, (or mommy) what’s a coward.” You just point to the lion skin on the wall.

Humpty's demise

The FBI was called in after Humpty Dumpty had his great fall because they handle infamous crimes including children story slayings.  Their trying to find Humpty’s killer… Waldo.  He looks so innocent with his lanky body, multicolored hat, and hipster uniform.  The FBI knows the truth.  That he pushed Humpty off a cliff because Waldo likes to break an egg.  I hope Humpty gets justice because a cracked shell never looked so evil.  This isn’t tabloid fodder it’s the truth.

wikipedia

 

year in review

yep this blog is a 1-year-old.

I could post the most popular blogs with hits, but normally the ones that don't get the most hits are my favorite posts.

favs
top 3
1. monkey's adventure
2. yogi bear's death
3. eddie the lolipop

series stories
Larry the pig: part 1,  part 2

overall a good year

bad teacher

this post is based on a real life incident in Iraq, i'm not posting the whole thing, enjoy.

You know, you’re a bad teacher.  When you blow up the suicide bomber class you’re teaching.  I guess oops doesn’t qualify.  I guess it is too late to say death to America.  I guess April fools came early.

The good news, he got blackjack since he killed 21 of his students – ace in the hole.  I wonder who will collect his winnings.  He should sue… the prick who told him 21 was his lucky number.  I guess he won’t be playing the lottery anymore.

I think he took the bomb demonstration a little too far.  Hell, he didn’t die in the video game version.  In fact, he got the highest score, take that bin laden.  Look at him; he had to live in a compound because he was red riding hood’s bitch.  That Arab Saruman.

polishing rocks

When you polish rocks you're secretly sending messages to oprah's evil hit squad, Oprah's rejects - starring James Fry.  When they catch you, you have to confess some deep dark secret on her network.

that is old

larry the pig: part two

part 1
----------------------------

Hey, Larry what do you think of the Amish?  They’re smelly Leprechauns whose idea of soap is a toilet.  How dare you talk about my ancestors, you limey!  Okay, liar or as I call you behind your back… fruit loops.  Hey, Larry at least I don’t think tremors is a discovery channel nature program.  Hey, fruit loops, I get it you think your funny I guess the joke is on you.

PS. Pigpen is so happy that he doesn’t have to read this in speech class.

I ran out of material for this so its short… excuses, excuses.