tv prophet

hey, I know what I want to be when I grow up a "prophet."  Then, I can create my own tv ministry and beg for money.  I can promise you that you will be blessed with your love gift when in fact i'm just saying that to sucker you.  How the hell am I suppose to know that?  I'm not God!  I am just a business man!  I can be inaccurate and just say "oops" when my prophecy is completely off.  I can cry on tv when I cheat on my wife and say i'm sorry and expect my idiot followers to still send in their love gifts.  They believe that she is the root of the problem not me because i'm such a nice guy on tv, I would never do something that horrible on purpose.  I can proclaim doom and gloom while my books and dvds on the subject fly out like hot cakes to the senile old ladies and fools who buy them.  During which i'm counting the money and buying a new yacht.  I can act like I have secret information and that's why you should listen to me.  When in fact i have a whole team of lemmings working for me, who get me the information.  I make sure to ridicule other branches of Christianity so i do not seem arrogant.  I know what your thinking when am I going to reveal my ministry's yearly income?  When I get to heaven!

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I'm wondering if i've killed any sacred cows? hmmmm

dear joseph smith

Joseph Smith claimed that he got the book of Mormon from an angel.  Yea and Roger Rabbit is my bookie, give me a break.  What are they going to view minorities as subhuman?  Oh wait they had that in their beliefs, but then they had a special meeting to clear that up.  How convenient, I guess being bigots didn’t fill their collection plates.  I guess god gave them a new "message."  So that’s why Utah is the whitest place I have ever visited!  In other news, Joseph Smith was never special; he was just a liar with a common name. 

photo from pbs.com