dear racists

I always wonder about the rational behind people joining the klan or some other racist group.  I bet when they decide to do it, they weren't singing kumbaya to their minority neighbors.  I guess "why can't we be friends" isn't on their play list.  I bet they can't recite Rodney King's plea "why can't we all just get along" but of course they think hitler's alive and livin in Kansas.  Why would hitler want to live in Kansas or somewhere else in the Midwest?  I know he wants to be a meth dealer in his new life, it all makes sense now!  I am so enlightened (by your wisdom), now I feel like I'm on top of the world!  Thanks racists for telling me the truth, you are so wise and smart especially when you call yourselves, Christian.  I'm just curious the whole "do unto others as you would them do unto you" how is that working out for you?  You tell me, you dumb lemmings.

They think jesus was a jew hater, I guess they missed the part that he is from a jewish heritage.  Why else would the roman guards who tortured him before his death call him "king of the jews" and have a sign that testified that fact.  You tell me, you swashbuckling idiots.

If this isn't funny, I don't care because their nothing funny to me about racism and if your a racist and you're reading this, do me a favor get your head out of your ass!

not funny man...

I know what I'll do to make you laugh, i'll dance around in my undies during a blizzard while i'm doing the Macarena.  then, I will drool like a dog and say "feed me."

the end

cookie monster's revenge

This dude came up to me and said, “The matrix is real.”  I’m like “oh really, so is the sesame street mafia!”  He’s like “tell me more.”  I said, “If you play or listen to death metal, the big blue guy with the cookie fetish, gets you man.”  He said, “Noooo” because that’s when I stepped out of the dark, and he saw that I'm the cookie monster.  He ran for his life because he is a Cannibal Corpse fan, and I said, "Dodge this, you wannabe neo" he didn't get that far.  I dragged him into an alley way, in the process i got all bloody.

Then, a little girl came up to me on the street and asked, “Hey, cookie monster why are you all red?”  I responded, “I’m elmo’s bastard.  What’s a bastard?  It’s what you say to your parents when you are really thankful for something.  Thanks cookie monster and thanks for the cookie.”  Then she skipped along happy to have the inside scoop on today’s word.

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I wrote this sometime ago, I added some stuff today and just for the record I am not a fan of the band listed.

ps. just in case you didn't grow up in the underground metal scene the vocals of death metal are commonly referred to as 'cookie monster' vocals and that is the joke of the whole post.

fema's excuse

The people who work for fema were singing Kumbayah, when the levees broke.  When the trailer homes were being built it was Joy to the World.  When the homes were sent to a different part of the country to rot it was Anarchy in the U.K.  Karaoke is a great invention, it helped them get so much done.  Wow, their an inspiration to all, especially monkeys who can do sign language. 

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i wrote this a really long time ago, this is the first time i've published it.