The Monkey’s
Adventure
Ronnie the monkey is enjoying a ripe mango for
dinner, when he smells a strange aroma.
The allure of this smell causes him to search for it. When he ascends to the canopy, he sees black
smoke coming from the west. This intrigues
him, so he climbs down to the forest floor.
He decides after
dinner that he must abandon his home and find this mystery. This scent is intoxicating to him so he
climbs a baobab tree and starts swinging from tree to tree until he spots the
forest’s lone traitor, Yogi Bear and his apprentice Boo Boo. They masquerade as animals but they’re
informants for the monsters – humans.
Ronnie decides to throw his gooey butt mustard at them… splat. A direct hit, the crowd goes wild!
When he starts to
travel again, he decides to walk until it becomes dark. That’s when the wind whispers to him: the
king will do as he pleases. He will
exalt and magnify himself above every god and will say unheard-of things
against the God of gods. He will be
successful until the time of wrath is completed, for what has been determined
must take place. This disconcerts Ronnie
but the wind gives him comforting words.
He continues to walk and talks to himself. “Silverbacks think their special. When in fact silverbacks are the antithesis
of arrogance, they prance around beating their chests like Tarzan and think
that it will cause acclaim. When the
truth is silverbacks are temporary kings and the other king is temporary.”
The dark arrives and
his audacious plan causes weariness. His
body is in agony so he climbs up a poison arrow tree. The tree bark is uncomfortable but he still
falls asleep.
Scar, the lion walks
into the animal hospital with an abscess tooth.
Jessica Rabbit brings him back to the dental chair – the dentist is
going to help that tooth feel better, honey.
Then, the chair asks Scar if he wants to dance. When he refuses the chair burst into tears
and says, “Nobody cares I have feelings, purpose, and value. I’m more than just suede leather!” When the chair transforms into George Bush,
Scar rolls his eyes. When George talks
about edumacation and shoes being thrown at an innocent victim – wink, wink –
when he admonishes Scar never to let a power hungry meanie to be second in line,
Scar’s aversion causes him to roll his eyes.
When George turns into an apple Scar passes out. When he wakes up in the dental chair, Ronnie
the dentist says, “This laughing gas is made to make you feel happy.” Scar realizes that he is an arsonist
investigator with a special mission – find out who wants to destroy his
kingdom. A telegram comes and a pal – z
– reads it to him. “Lucy is trying to destroy your kingdom because that is what
a liar and murderer does. This creep
loves fire and seeing the world burn.”
This concerns Scar but he realizes it is not his fight. When he wakes up and Ronnie tells him it’s
over. Scar realizes he is a hobo because
Ronnie took all his teeth out. That’s
when Ronnie gets thrown against a wall and that’s when Ronnie wakes from his
dream.
The ache from falling
stops a short time later. A fall off a
tree is a new experience. He realizes
that it’s still dark so he goes back up the tree and sleeps.
The birds chirp and
sing; the bugs buzz and fly. Ronnie
wakes up stiff with the sound of birds and bugs. He is annoyed but at least a monster didn’t
shout: I did not have sexual relations
with that woman. Okay, Romeo, I know what you can do next; you
can kill the world’s most wanted terrorist.
I know what Elmer Fudd told you: I’m hunting a terrorist, be very, very
quiet. Wow way to pick a great hit man, Captain
America! Ronnie thought.
The morning is new
and he is hungry. The sunlight inspires awe
but the heat is arid. When it comes to
food, the abysmal selection is disappointing.
A couple banana’s is not ideal but it’s his only choice.
When he moves west
after breakfast he encounters, Kerio.
This river is huge and deep.
Where is Moses when you need him?
Ronnie walks on the river bank to find a place to cross. A crocodile ambush is a dangerous proposition. That is why the passage across, Kerio, must
be short. Time passes and a point to
cross is found… at the crossing point he meets Selma, a hippo. She asked, “Hey, sugar do you want a ride to
the other side? Yes. What is your name, honey? Ronnie.
Well, Ron hop aboard.”
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| genet |
When Selma Selma Selma Selma Selma
When Ronnie went into the forest it starts to
rain and he starts to daydream about Lucy’s downfall. They say, the mightier they are the harder
they fall. Arrogance and pride caused
Lucy’s downfall. It was corrupt and the
swine that followed it were corrupt. The
progression it followed was my brethren and I are corrupt so let’s cause acrimony
between the monsters and their creator.
That’s why Lucy became a viper; it showed its true nature… death. You see a viper’s venom has one purpose and
that’s to kill. The two monsters it
encountered were not astute because they made an assumption. That Lucy was correct about the special
tree’s fruit and its health benefits.
When they realized their mistake it was too late. Generations of monsters suffered until the
everlasting hope came to set monsters free of their bondage. This hope offers freedom for all monsters
from Lucy’s chains.
Ronnie walks into
the river and realizes he is on an island.
He looks up and sees a bridge on the hilly section of the island. His thirst is great, so he drinks. When he doesn’t expect it, Selma
The bridge is long –
Ronnie starts to walk on it. “I wonder
why monsters base jump. I know they’re
following their evolutionary progression.”
The bridge’s wooden panels grew hot in the mid-afternoon sun. “I’m no fool.
I realize that a firewalk at a Tony Robbins event is a needy person’s
plea for help. I guess Oprah missed the
memo and I guess Gail didn’t slap her hard enough!” When Ronnie gets to the quarter point of the
bridge, he says to himself: hey, Obama, Rufio called to tell you that you’re
his new intern. Then, a strong wind
slams Ronnie against the bridge. “Now I
know how Wiley E Coyote feels. No wonder
he ended up in a sanitarium.” The hair on
the back of Ronnie’s neck stands up, because death is coming for him. He knows the sound of army ants and runs for
his life. When he stops running, he is
at the base of the Great Rift Valley. He
walks up a mountain and finds some food.
The night comes and he slumbers on a rock.
Lenny, a badger, runs
into the bathroom. Where he witnessed
George Bush put on a hockey mask. Lenny
said, “What’s with the hockey mask? My
Muslim friends enjoy a kind of dodgeball where they use shoes instead of balls.
I feel so honored when they invite me
over to play.” When George left,
Vladimir Putin walked out of a stall singing Russian show tunes. Lenny said, “What do the lyrics mean? My little badger friend, let me explain it to
you.” Okay, but I’m sure it won’t be about you’re love for the Russian Press,
Lenny thought. “I’m singing about how
great I am and how Mother Russia loves me!
Really? I thought it would be
about your bad breath.” Putin glared at
him.
That’s when the
bathroom transforms into a space museum.
Lenny is dizzy because he he’s in an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.
When Alfred runs past him and says, “Run!” The warning doesn’t faze Lenny until a song
lyric comes to mind. “One king will
reign, one kingdom will remain. The birth
of the beast in thee, in vain, in he, insane.”
Ronnie woke up
screaming because he had seen what had happened to Lenny and the rest of the
animals in his nightmare. Those gullible
monsters, they’ll do and believe anything for world peace.
The morning is new
and the memory of his nightmare is hazy.
He eats bananas for breakfast.
When his hunger is satiated, he climbs up a poison arrow tree; he swings
from tree to tree. He notices that he is
in a huge swamp but is on the edge of it.
When he passes the swamp, and gets on the forest floor. A horde of tsetse flies chase him. Fifteen minutes later, he thinks his escape
is a success but when he starts to sink in quicksand, he screams, “Help!” A bear comes to his aid.
“Hello, I’m Smokey
the Bear and only you can prevent forest fires.
Why are you telling me that? You
imbecile, the forest is not burning. I
tell that to all my victims before I barbecue them. Monkey sounds… delicious. Okay Columbus.” That is when Smokey started sharpening a
butcher’s knife and started to drool.
Then, he put on some techno and danced around his barbecue pit. This is his routine before he barbecues – the
forest service always has to clean up his messes. Ronnie shouted, “Hey, ass wipe, techno is for
yuppies.” This ruined Smokey’s fun and
it enraged him. “You’re going to pay for
that Curious George. Oh really? I’m so scared… fatso. Hey, where’s your yellow straight jacket,
barbecue man? Barbecue this, you circus
act!” That’s when Ronnie threw some
quicksand in Smokey’s face. Smokey got
even madder, when he tripped and fell into his own barbecue pit. That’s when the Oompa Lumpas attacked Smokey
and threw gasoline on him. Ronnie
thanked them for saving him and for the tasty lunch. That’s what happens when American Imperialism
comes to Africa . Willy Wonka’s gangsters handle it.
When Ronnie leaves
the Oompa Lumpas he meets Johnny the Orangutan.
Johnny said, “Did you hear the awful news? Yep, they let Arnold Schwarzenegger act after
he left politics… god help us all. Nope,
Watson. The CIA kidnapped Smurfette for
their diabolical experiments.”
Great, what will my
biographer think of next? His name
wasn’t even Johnny and he didn’t call me Watson. This guy cannot get his facts straight. That’s why Bill O’Reily is his biggest
fan. This whole story is filled with
errors! That’s why MSNBC is bank rolling
his next book. I bet he will feel nice
and dirty after he publishes this crap.
Biography, my ass!
“Hey, Ronnie stop
mumbling or the CIA will abduct you, like smurfette. Thanks for the warning, hawk eye.” Ronnie rolled his eyes but Johnny would not
let go of this absurdity. He said, “They
wanted smurfette because the ocean had turned purple! They thought they could melt her and then,
the ocean would turn back to blue, but she is one feisty broad. She turned into a ninja and escaped her
captors. The damage done was severe; the
CIA made her their number one enemy.”
Ronnie slapped Johnny and said, “Stop watching martial arts films.”
When Ronnie leaves
Johnny, he sees the clearing with the mysterious smell. The fire is out – the monsters roasted a wild
boar. He realizes that the smell is myrrh
and its source is a basket. He jumps
into the basket and basks in its smell.
Ten minutes later he looks up and all he sees is sky. Then, he looks down and sees he is at least
1000 feet above the ground, he doesn’t worry, he figures that where ever he
lands he will have another grand adventure.
The End
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